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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24879844">Please hold</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyP15/pseuds/LadyP15'>LadyP15</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Developing Relationship, M/M, Modern AU, Modern Era, Phone Sex, Secret Identity, its better than it sounds ...I promise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:54:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,845</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24879844</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyP15/pseuds/LadyP15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"So, let’s say we met at a tavern.  I caught your pretty eyes across the room and I-”</p><p>“You don’t know what my eyes look like.”</p><p>“Dezran I am trying to help you connect to your body will you let me?”</p><p>“Sorry, please continue.”</p><p>“I caught your pretty eyes across the room and I was enchanted all night.  And now you’ve gotten me home, into your bed.  And you look so nice underneath me that I can’t resist it anymore.”</p><p>“I’d never take anyone I’d met home from a tavern."</p><p>"Dezran!”, Essek senses this exclamation is tinged more with amused exasperation than genuine frustration.</p><p> </p><p>~*~</p><p>Listless and lonely Essek calls a sex line using a pseudonym Dezran, in the hope of a bit companionship. He's paired with Bren, whose warm comforting tones make Essek feel more at home than he has been in a long time.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>163</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Friday night, the social peak of the week, Rosahana was bustling with party-goers. Throwing off the cares of work, with copious amounts of alcohol, grinding in too-tight clothing to bad house music with not a care in the world. Essek didn’t envy them per se, but as he looked around his minimalist apartment he wondered if they were seeing something that he wasn’t.</p><p>The light of the computer gave his purple skin an unhealthy glow as he checked his inbox for a final time. Emails sent, calendar ticked, phone off the hook, he should have supposed that anyone else would have been leaping out the door for a weekend of relaxation or depravity.  He often eye-rolled his brother as he watched him get ready for a night on the town, smearing shimmering honey shades from a make-up pallet onto his eyelids and cheeks. Many a night Essek found him staggering home at an ungodly hour giggling, smelling like a tavern floor, high on the events of the night.</p><p>He hadn’t spoken to Verin in years, he’d left to explore the world and ‘find himself’, instead of helping with the family business, a  burden that weighed heavily on Essek, to the point he had snapped back, “And what happens if he’s a brainless cretin as well.” That retort had been met with a stony look and a slammed door. </p><p>Apart from his work, there was no one in his life that bothered with him. Essek looked around the four white walls of his home office. Undecorated apart from an obligatory family portrait (all four of them stiff and unsmiling),  to an uninspiring aloe vera plant in the corner, flicking his eyes over to a rigid navy two-seater sofa. Essek had deliberately chosen it with firm unforgiving cushions so any visitor would not feel inclined to stay.</p><p> The whole room was just bleak.</p><p>Watching a pair of car headlights bounce off the ceiling as it drove by, he wondered how long it would take for anyone to realise he was missing or dead. He imagined his mother- no wait, her assistant (she would never trouble herself with a personal visit) to enquire why he hadn’t been responding to his work emails. Essek entertained himself with the thought of his decomposed body found at his desk still in his suit; cause of death the monotony of life.</p><p>Shaking himself out of his stupor, Essek refreshed his personal email, unlike the work one this was empty besides a reminder from his GP for his annual health check. No invites, no one sliding into his DMs, no one tagging him in embarrassing photos. He was truly alone in every sense of the word. </p><p>The ding of an email notification makes Essek jerk abruptly, somebody has reached out. Eyes flicking over the subject title, ‘Hot New Singles Want to Chat to You! &lt;3!!!!’, Essek’s lips twitched into a grimace. He begins to move his mouse to the trash button, frustrated at the fact his heart had done a little leap at the hope that someone was emailing him about anything other than work. </p><p>His mouse hovered over the button, how sad that a sex operator had reached out to him. What kind of depraved persons used sex operators? Sad lonely individuals who wanted a bit of companionship while getting off, his mind supplied. Essek’s cheeks darkened at the thought of some plush mouthed male humanoid whispering sweet nothings into his ear. </p><p>Sweet Luxon, how long had it been?</p><p>5 years, maybe more?</p><p>His lips thinned, who would know? He could use his own credit card, his mother hadn’t had access to his account in years and would she care really? He wasn’t on company time after all.</p><p>This was insane. He was insane even to consider it, but just the thought of spending another cold lonely evening in this soulless flat was enough to barrel through any doubts.The thought sent a thrill down his spine. The shadowhand of Thelyss Limited, ringing a sex operator and no one would know. It wasn't illegal after all.<br/>
He fidgeted with the cool plastic of his credit card in his hand and wondered what the hell he thought he was doing. Feeling a burst of courage that would make his brother proud, Essek clicked the link and waited.After a few seconds, his page loads into a selection criteria, where he was met with a few photos of pubescent female elves posed next to their descriptions. Essek sneered, although he doubted that anyone in his social circle would moonlight as a sex operator, there was always a chance that a fellow drow or someone with a tenuous connection would recognise his voice. </p><p>At least he knew he definitely didn't want a female.</p><p>At the bottom of the list was the option for filters for species. Ignoring Elf he looked at his options, ‘dwarf’  Essek mused if this fantasy was going to be effective he wanted someone the same size, the same applied to bugbear. He paused over human. He didn't have much practice with humans, with short lifespans, emotionally quick to anger, many elves dismissed them, but there was something appealing about their willingness to act instead of brooding over problems for several generations.</p><p>Impulsively, he clicked human and watched it load, heart in his throat Essek wondered if he’d lost his mind. Following on from this page lead to a billing page, with an uncharastically hesitance he added his credit card information, it then loaded to a selection criteria asking him what kind of fantasy artist he would like to speak to?</p><p>Essek looked around his room in despair. He never had time to fantasy about sex so he was at a loss as to what to put. After a few minutes of bafflement, he put what he did when advertising for a vacancy within his company, intelligent and educated.  Was that a normal request?</p><p>Moving on quickly he read the next question with a tinge of amusement, “Physical appearance requests”. Leaving it blank because how would he even know.  </p><p>He pressed submit, hypnotized by the connecting circle of the browser.</p><p>For one panicked second, his anxiety spiked  Essek realised he didn't have anything to offer his guest, his cupboards were bare. But then he ruefully remembered they would be calling him not visiting.</p><p>Essek's mouth was dry and his heart was thumping irregularly in his chest. He wondered if people should lie down for these kinds of things before he could stand to reach his sofa, the line clicked and connected, with ‘Bren’.</p><p>He heard a quiet shuffle, was that a book being hurriedly closed? Before he could put a name to the sound he was met with a  “Good evening sir”,  the voice at the end of the phone was softer somehow and lower, seductive.</p><p>Essek sat up a little straighter, “sir, really?” He said, smiling a little.</p><p>“Oh, is that not your preferred pronoun”, seductiveness dropped to reveal a thin trace of anxiety in the tone.</p><p>“No! I’m a man, yes… he/his is fine,” ….. He managed to sputter out, all normal semblance of eloquence suddenly gone. “I was just surprised you sounded too polite to work as a sex line operator.”</p><p>He hears ‘Bren’ let out a small sigh of relief, “We cater to all types here at the Lavish Chateau, is there some fantasy that you are particularly after?”</p><p> </p><p>He’s fishing, oh Luxon. If this was a solitary fantasy Essek would have no problem telling this bodiless voice what he wants, but this is a real breathing human being who will have thoughts and opinions.  In the workplace this isn't a problem, he fires commands and bites out icy retorts without a second thought, but here in the low lighted office with a warm voice whispering in his ear, makes him feel impossibly young.</p><p>The problem is Essek is shy, he hides it well with a cold facade, but under this intense scrutiny, he can feel a wave of heat tinge his cheeks. He curses, he’s blushing and they haven't even properly started yet.</p><p>Instead of complying, he diverts the conversation to something else, “ What was the book that engrossed your attention so thoroughly?”</p><p>He hears Bren swallow in surprise, “Oh I’m sorry, it was something to pass the time,” there's a pause  and Bren drops his voice an octave to add, “I just get lonely and bored without someone to talk to.”</p><p>Clearly stalling for time, Essek ignores the goading flirtatious tone and inquires, “Must be something interesting.”</p><p>“Well ja it is. I’m reading ‘The Adventures Guide to Orcshire’. I’m not an adventurer myself but they discuss the various poisons and fauna found there and I’ve been comparing it to …”</p><p>As ‘Bren’ breathlessly babbles on,  Essek gets the impression that he doesn't get a chance to talk about his interest freely and he slyly thinks this individual is just as socially starved as himself. He listens surprisingly willingly to this insightful voice discuss the various terrains of the Orcshire region. There's a warmth to his tone and his enthusiasm is refreshing, he’s often surrounded by individuals who are fiercely intelligent albeit cold, and lack any drive. So this conversation is remarkably refreshing.</p><p>“You say you're not an adventure man, but I think your passion for lands beyond these shores is saying otherwise.”</p><p>“Well, its easier to think about dangerous places from the comfort of your own home, but- Oh Scheisse! You’re paying for this conversation”,  Essek smiled at the sudden change of tone, “I’m so sorry, I get like that sometimes and all I want to do is talk about myself.”</p><p>“No no no, I don't mind at all, its nice to hear about someone's passions.”</p><p>“Really? That’s what you want to know?”  Seductive tone weaving its way back into his speech, “Don't you want to ask what clothes I’m wearing?”</p><p>“Clothes? I thought you’d be dressed in air? And even if you were wearing clothes, why would it matter I’d thought they’d be on the floor soon anyway? Isn't that how this is supposed to work?”</p><p>Essek hears a quick inhale, “You’re smiling, or are you laughing at me? I can hear it”.</p><p>“Nein not laughing. Just pleasantly surprised. It's not often people ask me questions about books and tell me how to do my job.” There's a pleasant Zemnian accent, the s’s are slightly slurred and k's are abrupt, but there's something comforting about it, like being wrapped in a warm blanket; His own Rosahana accent pales in comparison. </p><p>“Oh Zemni, they really do cater to all tastes”</p><p>“Does it bother you? I have a colleague  who is from Shady Creek Run”</p><p>“No, no this is fine Bren. I don't mind talking to you”, Essek replied honestly. “ You can call me Dezran.”</p><p>Essek makes a face at the lie, it's a name he uses when fishing for insider trading information. He wished he's been more prepared and chosen something else, but for now, it will have to do. </p><p>“Well Dezeran, now that we’ve got to know each other what would you like to do?”  </p><p>There’s a few small beats of silence as Essek internally panics.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The silence stretches on until Essek honestly replies, “Truthfully, I don't know. I was just a bit bored and you emailed me and I thought…”, he lets his sentence trail off.</p><p>“You don't know why you rang a sex line”, Bren replies with a deadpan voice.</p><p>Essek bristles, “I know what you do. I just felt…..” He pauses. He is many things but he’s damned if he’s going to tell a stranger he’s lonely, “I just feel a bit adrift, like I can’t connect with anyone I just feel isolated and not comfortable in my skin ...almost homesick.”</p><p>“Homesick? Is Rosahana not your homeland, because you sound native?” Bren sounds genuinely curious.  For some reason, Essek likes that.</p><p>“Not for a place. I don’t really know how to explain it,” he admits, shrugging even though he can’t see it, “I just feel distant from everyone and that's why I called.”  He omits that he’s also horny,  but he’s sure that Bren can make that educated guess.</p><p>Bren hums lightly but doesn’t say anything else for a long moment. The hum is honey-thick, playing along Essek’s spine.</p><p>Essek can hear his soft breathing, for a minute nothing is said, a fly head butts the window and a dog barks somewhere in the distance, Essek is about to ask if he's still there when Bren finally speaks again. This time his tone warmer almost kind, not dripping with that same seductive heat as earlier,  “Ja I get it.  You’re homesick for yourself, not a place.  Does that sound right?”</p><p>“Yes,” Essek breathes out, feeling a little bit liberated like someone understands him for once, “I feel like I’m viewing my body from the outside, I don’t know who or what I want anymore, everything feels a bit meaningless.”</p><p>The weight in Essek’s chest seems to lessen somewhat, and his shoulders loosen, and warmth seems to flower at the base of his neck, where Bren’s voice brushes. He’s suddenly very glad he called. Bren understands far more than expected. Realising this is the first time in a long time that he felt like he’s been ‘seen’, Essek tries to regain some control over this revelation, suddenly feeling too exposed.</p><p>“I love my job.  I’m good at what I do. I’m sure it's temporary.” Adding confidently he continues, “It’s just a feeling I need to shake.”</p><p>“Hmmm well, I think I can help with some of that. So, let’s say we met at a tavern.  I caught your pretty eyes across the room and I-”</p><p>“You don’t know what my eyes look like.”</p><p>“Dezran I am trying to help you connect to your body will you let me?”</p><p>“Sorry, please continue.”</p><p>“I caught your pretty eyes across the room and I was enchanted all night.  And now you’ve gotten me home, into your bed.  And you look so nice underneath me that I can’t resist it anymore.”</p><p>“I’d never take anyone I’d met home from a tavern</p><p>“Dezran”, Essek senses this exclamation is tinged more with amused exasperation than genuine frustration.</p><p>“Apologise, it's just for this scenario to be believable I have to see myself doing it, no high ranking dro- person,” Essek corrected himself quickly, “ would ever-.”</p><p>“If you’ll pardon the interruption, there is something I’d very much like to say.”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“I would very much like to slide the palm of my left hand up the base of your neck so my fingertips are just brushing the sides of your neck, and squeeze. Restricting your respiration slightly, preventing your mandible from letting you utter even a whisper. My grip isn't tight but firm, I just need you to stop talking and listen to me so I can help you relax. Do you understand Dezran?</p><p>Essek audibly swallowed, “Yes, Bren”.</p><p>Feeling like he’s just walked into a wall, Essek doesn't feel like he can move an inch, glued into his chair, his sole focus on the calming tone that is laced with fire.  The previous smugness has been washed away, at the beginning of the conversation he had felt a bit condescending with his patronage to this lowly establishment, but now he’s spellbound. He wonders if he’s hallucinating because he can feel a pressure on his throat, restricting his speech </p><p>Essek's hips jerk, mouth parting a little, the phone sliding down her shoulder and catching at the crook of it. </p><p>“Don’t be shy. It’s just you and I, alone in the dark”, Essek feels his cock twitch and to his horror lets out a little moan, “Yes I can see you’re getting into it”. Over the sound of his pounding heart, Essek can hear Bren’s devilish grin, this man’s voice is wasted on a sex phone line.</p><p> “Keep your eyes closed now. Dezran, I want you to raise your free hand and brush your fingers along your collar bones below your shirt. Can you do that for me?”</p><p>“Uhn.” There’s a flutter of nervous excitement in his belly as he does as he's told.</p><p>“Gut, I’m straddling you on your couch as I brush my fingers along your collarbones and start to stroke the back of your neck. I feel the heat of you beneath me, my legs spread wide to sit on your thighs.”</p><p> Essek didn’t need to be instructed on what he had to do. He returned his fingers to the skin of his neck for a caress and then gripped the muscle of one thigh, wishing he was feeling the strain of supporting Bren’s weight. </p><p>“When I feel how slender you are I run my hands down your arms to feel the shape of your biceps and then slip my hands under your shirt to touch your chest.”</p><p>Essek tries to breathe evenly, but the sound of Bren’s voice is robbing him. Eyes closed with this warm voice tickling his ear, Essek feels a heat uncoil in his stomach. For the first time in a long time, he feels like he’s the center of attention for something other than work. </p><p> </p><p>“Brush your palm along your inner thigh, but do not touch yourself.” Although Bren’s voice was warm and gentle, Essek couldn't deny there was an undercurrent of dominance to his tone, and Essek found himself readily submitting. </p><p>He found himself biting his lip to prevent any noise of frustration from slipping through and could feel a slight tremble of his thigh build, as Bren’s voice continued. “Your hands are going to brush along your stomach and thighs, tracing the outline of your underwear,” Bren informed him. “Your fingertips will slip beneath the fabric but go no further, teasing only.” </p><p>Essek made a sound of protest but was interrupted with a sharp, “Hush! Trust me, we’ll get there soon enough.”</p><p>A minute passes and Essek is left to hear the sound of both their combined breathing alongside the soft strokes of his fingertips.</p><p>“Now you’re going to rub the heel of your hand against your cock but through the underwear.”</p><p>Essek lets out a whimper of relief and does as he’s told. After a few seconds of hurried breathing, Bren asks, “Do you still have your shirt on?”</p><p>Dazed he replies, “Yes.”</p><p>“Let’s get it out of the way then. It would be a shame not to see that flawless skin of yours”.</p><p>Stifling a groan of frustration, Essek scrambled to get his shirt unbuttoned.  Chest exposed to the air conditioning of his office, he felt his heart stutter when Bren continued with, “Now take your fingers and suck on them for me please when you ready I want you to start playing with your chest.”</p><p> </p><p>His nipples had always been exceptionally sensitive—darkening to a deep purple and swelling under even the lightest attention—so it didn’t take long before a moan left his lips without his permission. </p><p>“You can start stroking yourself now, with the other hand. Are you doing that to yourself? Dezran?”</p><p>Essek heady with desire, his eyes fluttering closed as the tension mounts,  manages to bite out a short, “Yes”.</p><p>Eyes closed he could almost picture it. He didn’t know what Bren looked like but the man had a deep and pleasant voice that conjured up images of broad shoulders and warm hands. </p><p>“You’re doing so well Dezeran,” Essek can hear a smile in his voice, whether it's forced, he’s too distracted to say. “Imagine it’s me after I’ve  straddle your lap, rubbing my erection against yours through our underwear.”</p><p>Essek can almost see it, a warm set out blue eyes pinning him in place. Firm hands holding him down both protecting and exciting him. Soft hair tickling his face and a satisfied grin blossoming on his face as Essek struggles to contain sounds of pleasure.</p><p>The stare is what makes Essek want to wriggle away and hide from the world, Essek can imagine it being filled with softness, making his skin itch with the tenderness of it all, a tenderness that he doesn't think he deserves.</p><p>Bren continues to urge him on, whispering soft encouragements in his ear, complimenting his voice and his appearance, coaxing him on. Finally crescendoing into desperate release.</p><p>Essek slumps into his chair as Bren's soothing voice consistently reassure him how well he’s done and how good it was for him.</p><p>Dazed and lightheaded, Essek doesn’t take these compliments in. Although that weight he has been carrying around for a long time seems to have lessened slightly, he feels remarkably fragile. </p><p>Perhaps if this was real their legs would be tangled together, Bren’s head on his chest, Essek fingers tracing patterns on Bren’s back. Essek imagined the comforting hum of a Zeminian accent near his ear as Bren talked, and the quiver of his stomach as he laughed at one of Essek's terrible attempts at a joke. He could see it very clearly, so clearly that it started to sting.</p><p>Shaking himself out of this fantasy, semen cooling on his stomach, he tries to right himself in his chair and reach for the tissues on his desk.</p><p>Perhaps sensing a shift in mood, Bren softly asks, “Is everything okay?” Essek notices a slight note of hesitancy in his voice when he continues with, “You seem to enjoy yourself?”</p><p>Wiping himself down, Essek sits up straighter in his chair, trying to regain some composer, he replies, “ Yes that was...Good thank you”</p><p>“Such politeness Dezan. Has the experience lived up to your expectations?”</p><p>“No, it’s succeeded. I didn't know what I need and yet you still delivered. I’m impressed”</p><p>He hears Bren swallow nervously and Essek can imagine him ducking his head in embarrassment, “Arck I’m just a humble sex operator, I’m good at guessing at what people want.”</p><p>“You sell yourself short.”</p><p>Bren makes a noise of disbelief.</p><p>“No, it's true. I see a charming, humorous, intelligent, solitary man who is easily embarrassed when complimented.”</p><p>Essek is met with a minute of silence and quickly wonders if he’s gone too far, destroying this tenuous line of friendship they seemed to have built here in the dark.</p><p>Bren utters a quiet, “Danke”, so soft Essek barley catches it</p><p>Essek finds himself not wanting to end the conversation but not sure how to continue it.  “So how does an intelligent man like yourself get...wait what’s that noise?”</p><p>There's a sound of shuffling papers and a rearranging of a chair.</p><p>“Just bare with me one second, I think there's someone at the door.”</p><p>-Caleb let me in!  have these burritos and there not gonna eat themselves.</p><p>"Fuck. Dezran I do apologize, sincerely but something has cropped up "</p><p>- Caleb open up! They gave me free fries too but only cos i gave them your number. Don’t be mad the server was realllllly cute!!</p><p>"I'm sorry about this. Thank you for phoning the Lavish Chateau  - "</p><p>"Hang on - "</p><p>" - and if you would like to chat with me again, please ask for me by name."</p><p>"Caleb?"</p><p>…..</p><p>…</p><p>“Caleb.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've finally finished E99 so please hit me up so i can unleash my shadowgast feels <a href="https://dressesandcarresses.tumblr.com/">:D</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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